3 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Happiness

Are You Doing Any Of These Things?

Sabotage is the act of undermining someone’s achievement and in the case of self-sabotage, the person’s achievement that you’re undermining is your own. Now why in the world would you do such a thing? Why would you undermine your ability to achieve the very things you say you want the most in life? Why in the world would you undermine your progress in your relationships, professional achievements, self-development, and other form of success?

Well, self-sabotage is usually not conscious. You may say you want to achieve this and accomplish that but deep inside you are running thought patterns and belief systems that tell you you’re unworthy. No wonder you end up feeling a deep sense of insecurity as you go about the days of your life. You might also unconsciously (or in some cases, consciously) want to avoid failing or getting hurt at all costs. And so, you make excuses, procrastinate, ruin a relationship before it hurts even more, or take any number of actions that prevent you from feeling the pain of failure or uncontrolled loss.

You may say you want to achieve this and accomplish that but deep inside you are running thought patterns and belief systems that tell you you’re unworthy.

 

 

Here are three ways that you may be sabotaging your happiness. Are you doing any of these things?

Believing everything your inner critic says.

If you’re always believing the criticism inside your head about what you’re doing wrong, that you’re not good enough, that you’ll never succeed, that you’ll never have the kind of relationship you want, and more, guess what happens? It becomes that much more difficult to be happy. Your inner critic would like you to believe that its voice creates action that creates change and momentum towards happiness, but in fact, the opposite happens. Believing everything your inner critic says fosters a lack of motivation and creates inaction. 

Blaming other people for your unhappiness.

When you blame other people for your unhappiness, what you’re really doing is avoiding taking responsibility for your own life. And how far can we get on the road to our achievements if we’re not taking responsibility for our own life? Yep. Not very far.

Is it true that other people play a role in your day-to-day problems? Absolutely.

Is it true that other people may have taken part in creating your less-than-optimal circumstances? Absolutely.

And is it also true that you get to choose how you remember and respond to these circumstances? Absolutely.

It’s when you stop playing the blame game, recognize that you too are a part of other people’s unhappiness (I know, I know… hard to believe, but it’s true for all of us…) and take responsibility for your own happiness and your own life that you successfully move from resentment to contentment.

It’s when you stop playing the blame game... and take responsibility for your own happiness and your own life that you successfully move from resentment to contentment. 

 

 

Holding on to the past.

Our past is one of those things that has reign over us unless we intentionally an repeatedly tend to it with compassionate and skillful support (this is exactly why it was the topic of last week’s segment in The Happiness Hub about the most important asset we have when it comes to our relationships and life >>> click here to join and catch the replay). It doesn’t matter if it happened a week ago, a few months ago, or 5 or even 25 years ago, we may still replay the events and words of our past in our minds today, especially if those words and events hurt us.

In some ways, this is a natural response that our human physiology has– that is, to create vigilance and protect us from being hurt in the ways we’ve been hurt in the past. In doing so, our system helps us to learn from our hurts and mistakes and helps us to avoid future painful lessons. Simultaneously, though, it feels horrible to keep mentally reliving the words and situations that caused us pain and it’s this very act of holding on to the past that keeps our happiness at bay.

What to do instead: Rather than blindly believing everything your inner critic says, blaming other people for your unhappiness, and holding on to the past, there is something else that you can do. We’re discussing it in The Happiness Doctor’s virtual community, The Happiness Hub, and if you’re reading this article, you’re invited to join us. Just click here and get in on the conversation (or catch the replay, if you’re reading this at a later date)!