Breaking Old Patterns: How to Become the Loving Partner or Parent You Want to Be

I stood there, trembling, the echo of my boyfriend’s disapproval still ringing in my ears. His words, though calmly delivered, landed heavily: “That’s not okay.”

I was flabbergasted. No one had ever pointed out to me before that this behavior was not acceptable … and I hadn’t recognized it myself. As I stood there, I felt a huge wave of shame and stammered out an apology. “I’m sorry, my parents raise their voices at each other and I guess that’s why I did it too.”

We were leaving a store together and, in a fleeting moment, I’d raised my voice at him. He wasn’t okay with my behavior and he’d let me know it. That marked the first time I came face to face with the reality that sometimes I acted in ways that weren’t okay. Even though I was replicating what I had known from my upbringing, it didn't justify hurting someone I cared about. I’d hurt him in that moment and it’s a moment that’s etched vividly in my memory until this day.

In the days that followed, I couldn’t shake the heaviness of that experience. The inner dialogue was relentless: "What have I done? I hurt someone I love." Here I considered myself a loving person, but my actions spoke otherwise, and I felt puzzled. Little did I know that this moment would become a catalyst for a profound transformation. It was a turning point where I began to explore the depths of my inner world because I needed, most of all, to understand what led me to act in ways that were out of alignment with who I truly wanted to be.

Unraveling the Patterns

What I discovered was that my behavior in that moment wasn’t just an isolated slip—it was a product of deeply ingrained patterns shaped by my past. Raised in a home where raised voices were common, I had unconsciously adopted a similar approach, even though it never felt right to me. It was a coping mechanism, a way to be heard when things got heated, but it didn’t align with the compassionate person I knew I was deep down inside.

And so, I began to explore what lay beneath these automatic responses—the unspoken rules and stories from my upbringing, the unresolved hurts, and the fears that often manifested in unexpected ways. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. It was about seeing the shadows I hadn’t wanted to look at before and understanding the parts of me that emerged in times of stress or fear.

A Transformative Method for Healing

This personal exploration led me to a method that not only brought awareness to the patterns that drove my actions but also offered a practical way to transform them. It became clear to me that becoming the loving partner or parent I aspired to be wasn’t about being perfect or never making mistakes. It was about understanding the complexity of my inner world and learning to respond with kindness—both to myself and to those I care about.

Over the years, this method has not only reshaped my relationships but has also become a guiding light for others who find themselves struggling with similar challenges. It’s a roadmap that emphasizes self-awareness, compassion, and the courage to change. It’s about bridging the gap between our intentions and our actions, creating space for more love, patience, and understanding along the way.

An Invitation to Step into Your Best Self

If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar place—feeling disappointed by your own behavior, wanting to break free from old patterns, or yearning to be the partner, parent, or friend you’ve always dreamed of being—I invite you to join me in my new free masterclass, "How to Be the Loving Partner or Parent You Want to Be."  In this session, I'll weave personal stories with insights and practical strategies that together can help you heal, grow, and transform your relationships from the inside out. Register now, and let's create a space for warmth, understanding, and positive change, together.

And, if you’re looking for a more intimate, communal experience, my Heart Share Circles offer a warm, supportive space to share, reflect, and heal in a group setting. We come together not to judge ourselves for the moments when we fall short, but to hold them gently and transform them with compassion.

Remember, the path to healing and revitalizing your relationships begins with understanding—both of yourself and others. If you’re ready to explore this journey, I’d be honored to support you.