The Lie That Keeps You Unhappy

Have you ever lied? I know I have.

I’ve lied to my parents, to my brother, to more distant family members, and of course to my friends. It happens far less these days than when I was a teenager or twenty-something, but the possibility still remains that a little fib may be told.

Why would I do this? And why would you do this? Why would we lie to the people we love?

There are two reasons:

1. We don’t want to hurt them.

2. We want to protect ourselves.

It makes sense, right? In situations where the truth may hurt either another person or ourselves, we may very well be tempted to hide it.

THE LIE

To tell you the truth, I fibbed a bit above. I left out an important person that I’ve lied to more than anyone else in my life.

The person I’ve lied to the most in my life is MYSELF.

 

 

I’ve called myself names (all of which weren’t true), I’ve told myself I couldn’t “do it” / that I couldn’t achieve my dreams (definitely not true), and I told myself that negative emotions were a bad thing (also not true).

And it’s this last lie that I want to explore with you today, because it’s the one that kept me unnecessarily unhappy for a very long time and it’s not unlikely that it’s keeping you unhappy right as we speak.

From the perspective I embody today, I can tell you, without a doubt, that “negative emotions are a bad thing” is the biggest and most dangerous lie I have ever heard. And the reasons that our parents and society have embedded this lie into our consciousness are no different from the reasons why we lie about anything.

I can tell you, without a doubt, that “negative emotions are a bad thing” is the biggest and most dangerous lie I have ever heard. 

1. They didn’t want to hurt us– our own negative emotions can be difficult to be with and therefore they’d rather that we ignore and dismiss them than have to personally bear their weight

2. They wanted to protect themselves– others’ negative emotions can be difficult to be with and therefore they’d rather that we deny and tuck them away than put the responsibility onto them to soothe and comfort us amidst such emotions

Again, it makes sense, right? In situations where the truth (in this case, negative emotions like sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, anxiety) may hurt either someone else or ourselves, we may very well be tempted to hide it.

The problem continues to emerge when we are told a lie (“negative emotions are bad”) and then we perpetuate that lie within ourselves. For years and years, we’ve been telling ourselves that negative emotions are a bad thing. Why?

Again, the reasons we tell this lie to ourselves are no different from the reasons why we lie about anything.

1. We don’t want to hurt ourselves– if we don’t believe that negative emotions are a bad thing and instead believe that they are an okay or even good thing, we fear what will happen. Will we be able to handle them? What if they overtake us? What if they make us behave in a socially unacceptable way? What will the consequences be?

2. We want to protect ourselves– related to the above, we fear and don’t want to risk what might happen if we engage with these negative emotions. So, we resort to tucking them away, hoping that no one– including ourselves– will hear, see, or feel them.

 

WHY THE LIE KEEPS YOU UNHAPPY

It’s an unending cycle. The people around us tell us this lie, again and again, hoping it will keep us happy. We do the same to ourselves and to them, hoping it will keep us and everyone around us happy. But, guess what? Though there may be a flicker of happiness on the surface, no one is actually genuinely happy.

It’s impossible. You can’t be genuinely happy if you’re hiding and tucking away a whole subset of your emotions.

If you allow yourself to feel and express joy, satisfaction, and ease but not sadness, anger, and fear because you’re afraid of what might happen if these emotions are actually acknowledged, this creates further issues rather than serving as a solution. It works opposite to what you expect. Suppressing and hiding away your emotions doesn’t make them go away– it exacerbates them. No amount of joy, satisfaction, and ease on the surface can negate the effects of unfelt negative emotions. Unfelt emotions long to be felt… period.

So, starting today, I urge you to please stop lying to yourself. Stop telling yourself that “negative emotions are bad”. It’s this lie that is keeping you unhappy. Negative emotions are emotions, that’s all. They aren’t any worse than positive emotions, just different, and it’s okay to welcome them into your life experience too. In our next article, we’ll dive into why!

Did you know that there is a whole community devoted to discussing and learning about important topics in happiness exactly like this one? If you are a happiness seeker and/or maker and are interested in cultivating that genuine, authentic kind of joy, then click here to request to become a member of The Happiness Hub, The Happiness Doctor’s all-exclusive community, and join in on the conversation!